So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
