I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
