8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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