There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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