Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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