Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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