I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I sprained my soul last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
