Christians are straight up FREAKS
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
