I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize