just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
