Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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