Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
