I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
