happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
