you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
