trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
