Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
