so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
organizing the empties. That sober.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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