my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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