Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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