They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
