the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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