I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Two words: nipple clamps
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