i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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