I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
