he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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