He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
