theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
