..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
