Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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