So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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