i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
not ubering you a puppy
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