Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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