HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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