That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
