I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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