i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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