What did we do last night that was yellow?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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