I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
