no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
