I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
