I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize