i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
