break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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