It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
