Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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