i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
