"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
