What a fucking waste of an outfit
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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