haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
