who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
