You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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