Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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