That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
