why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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