guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
