I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
