Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
