I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
