I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
