k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
