walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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