My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
