you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
