my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
