I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
