if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have aggressive nipples.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
