dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
