I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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