Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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