So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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