I should be sponsored by Trojan
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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