the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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