The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
