Your dad touched me again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
