she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
