If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want to make out with him forever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
