my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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