I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
