nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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