what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
