how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize