mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
don't judge my taste in strippers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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