i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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