But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize