I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
false alarm, still single
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
