Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
