creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
