We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
