He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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