come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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