I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
