direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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