I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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