He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
