no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
