i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
