New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize