where are you?
Hypothermia
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
