So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
