I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
